The Book of Anima
by KyraKuran
Summary: Anima, daughter of Azazel, must leave the Winchesters after they find out about her heritage. She has been on her own for the better part of five years when the Winchesters hunt her down hoping she will help stop the approaching apocalypse. Sarah must decide whether or not to help the people who betrayed her. Sarah X undecided
1. Chapter 1

If being half demon doesn't make me different, I don't know what does. I'm half human, half demon, demon on my father's side. Erm, my dad is known to you people as Azazel, my mom was former known as Lilly. I am known as Anima, I know it's not demonic, or long, or hard to pronounce, but my mother named me Anima for a reason.

Whereas my father brings death to most, I sometimes bring life. I know I have saved many from hell, most by accident. Most of my friends are the depressed 'emo' kids. Most of them want to commit suicide. Most want to leave the world that was given to them. I breathe life back into them, giving them a new hope, a new will to live.

That brings me onto the subject of why I'm writing this seemingly stupid novel. I know most will look at it, read the summary, scoff and then put it back on the shelf. I'm personally fine with that, you don't have to read it, you don't have to believe in the world I'm about to show you.

* * *

I should have realized that because of my parents I would be either hunted or wanted. Who am I kidding, I was an oddity, a rarity, a product of love and lust, not to mention a poor choice on my mother's part. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother with all my heart, I just wish she had a found a 'normal' fuck buddy.

Being hunted lead to a meeting with my father, who sent me on a journey to test my loyalty to him... or something like that, I wasn't paying attention. He sent me to spy on two brothers known as the Winchesters. Yes THE Winchesters, Sam and Dean.

Well that plan didn't go to well, I didn't realize just yet I had gotten myself into. the minute I met them, they knew something was up. After about five minutes of them just staring, I broke down and told them most of my history, kinda sorta leaving out my father's true nature.

From there a very rocky friendship was born. Dean just barely trusted me, thought I was feeding him a line of bull, but not Sam, no, he trusted almost completely. He knew that there was something off about me. It's not that I didn't want to tell them, hell I planned on it, but I knew that they would torture me for information I didn't have, kill me because of my other half. I mostly lived in fear. Fear they would find out and kill me in my sleep.

I went on many adventures with them, got a couple of interesting stories that I will wait for another time to publish. Almost died so many times I lost count, killed a couple of monsters, got shot, stabbed, clawed, bit, and other horrid crap I won't mention, it would make your eyes bleed.

When I would ask them what they were searching for, they would only say 'The Yellow Eyed Demon'. That was all the info I got. but listening in on their conversations, it wasn't hard to do, I also gleaned that they were searching for their father. What I didn't know, was that the demon they were hunting was my father, you see I never got to see his demonic eye color, just his human eyes.

After me constantly asking, prodding, begging for information, Dean and I made a deal. no not the 'I vant your Soul' type deals, idiots, a truce of sorts. I didn't ask about their past, they didn't ask about mine. I thought it was a rather truce at the time.

I would be sadly mistaken.

When they did track down their dad, shit went crazy! Apparently, I had a few other brothers and sisters. They weren't half demons, they were just products of his torture. The one that sticks out the most is Meg. She tormented me, when she cornered us, the Winchesters and I, she realized then who I was. She was...nice to me, which made the Winchesters suspicious.

But when she called me sister, when she freed me from my binds, when she healed my wounds, that's when the people I used to call friends turned on me. Dean and John were all for killing me when they defeated Meg, Sam was the one who convinced them to let me go. He did want my full life story before I left, so I told him, and only him, he deserved to know.

I told him that I had been hunted most of my life. I didn't know why either, so I went on the run, hoping my mother would be safe. I was on my own for a good two years before my dad tracked me down. He told me almost everything. That he was a demon, my father, and would be my mentor if I let him. Apparently I was supposed to have demonic powers.

I was so ready to turn him down, but then he threatened my mother's safety. So I stayed with him, learning only the basics, only what I wanted to know, then he sent me off. I was to track down the Winchesters, get to know them, spy, dig around, and report back to him. Only I didn't, I never made contact with my father while I was in teh care of the Winchesters.

As I was leaving the care of the only people who I really safe with, I turned at looked Sam in teh eye.

"I don't care if you believe me, I don't care that you tell Dean or your father what I told you, but know that everything I told you was the truth, and I'm sorry it had to come out like this."

His look is what gave me hope, he believed me, and he would try to convince Dean and his father of my innocence.


	2. Tears and Intruders

I closed my White-blue eyes as I put in my earbuds. Grabbing my sketchbook I made my way outside. I sat out in teh front yard and visualized everything. Every place I had ever been to, every person I had every met, all my adventures, and tears fell down my pale cheeks.

All my best memories were from a long time ago, a different life. I used to hunt, not animals, that's just cruel, no I hunted evil. Evil has had many forms to me. first it was the form of life, then it became the monsters that hid under your bed, in your closet, in plain sight. It was my father, it was my best friends, evil was mostly everything I knew.

All my best and favorite memories were focused around two people who I still had strong feelings about, whether they were good or bad feelings I couldn't tell. They focused around the two people who took care of me, the two people who became family.

I opened my eyes and found many pictures sketched, many of the memories that played in my head everyday. There were also sketches of two people, Dean and Sam. In my sketches they were happy, smiling, laughter in their eyes. In my mind I saw the side I couldn't draw.

I saw the hatred and scorn, the contempt in Dean's eyes. I saw the betrayal and sadness, the fear in Sam's eyes. I saw all the painful memories, I remembered all the hurt, the fear, and the hate I had felt for these two at some point. I remembered the reason those emotions ever surfaced, and I hate myself for not coming out with the truth right away.

Sighing, I closed my book and lay back in the grass, watching the clouds drift in the wind. "God, I feel so helpless, pathetic. I hate it, I hate feeling anything." I had hoped that five years would dull the pain, dull the betrayal. trust me, it didn't.

Every night since that day, I have asked myself 'what if'. What if I had told the truth, what if I had stayed away from them, gone against my fathers will, what if I was never born? Would I still feel this gut wrenching sadness?

I bit my lip as more tears ran down my face. I rub them away, sniffling. I layed there for hours, watching the clouds, daydreaming, contemplating life and it's meaning. I rolled onto my stomach and pushed myself up onto my feet. I grabbed my book and headed for the house. Setting the book on the table near the door, I made my way into the kitchen, grabbing some leftover lasagna and warming it up.

I will admit, I did good on my own. I got out of the hunting life, I made a living for myself. I now work as an author. I write about the monsters I've hunted, I tell of the hunts too. I never mention Sam or Dean though. It pays excellent so I got to buy my dream house, a quaint little cottage hidden in the forest. I'll have to start making up my own stories, I've run out of hunts to tell.

I made my way up to my room, sighing as I caught sight of a picture of Sam, Dean and I. this was the only time i was allowed to sit on the hood of his car. I had on some black jeans and a small gold sequined tube top. Sam was in his usual hoodie and faded jeans, Dean in his leather jacket, AC/DC t-shirt adn jeans. I was the only one who had any fashion taste in the group. We looked so happy in that photo.

I flopped onto my bed, hoping to take a small nap before going to work on a new book. I close my eyes adn let darkness take hold.

* * *

The sound of the front door opening jarred me from a nice nap. I pushed myself up adn got to my feet silently. I tread lightly to my closet, getting my sawed off shot gun, a present from Dean. I cocked it and stood by my bedroom door, waiting for the moment they stepped foot on the landing.

"What makes you think she'll help us?"

"Nothing, I'm just hoping."

I raised an eyebrow and tilted my head. who the hell breaks into a persons house thinking they'll just ask for help.

"Dude, I'm pretty sure she won't help us."

"Will you shut up!"

I gripped the gun tight as the stomping footsteps reached the top of the stairs. I held my breath and cracked my neck. I opened the door and aimed, scowling at the intruders.

"Leave my property and I won't shoot your sorry asses!" I growled, my finger itching to pull the trigger.

"Told you."

"Anima?" I closed my eyes as the light above flicked on. My jaw dropped as I opened them. Standing in front of me was Sam and Dean. I was in shock, the same people who kicked me out were in my house, supposably here to ask for my help. Now I wanted to shoot.


	3. Rage

"No." I said, glaring at the two idiots standing in my living room. "I don't care if the world is going to end. I am not helping you after what happened." I turned and walked into the kitchen, I let out a trembling breath and closed my eyes. They can't be here, they can't.

"Why not, the past is the past." Dean said, entering the kitchen.

"Take one more step asshat and you will be sorry." I growled, my eyes flickered and the lights dimmed.

"What are you gonna do to me?" Dean questioned, egging me on. I turned to face him, my eyes borderline demonic. I grinned at the smidgen of fear that grew on Dean's expression.

"Try me Dean, just try me." I seethed. My hands balled into fists as I tried to control the rage. My eyes flickered back adn forth, Blue to Black. The lights kept dimming as well. Dean took a step forward. I clenched my fists hard enough to break skin, and blood started dripping onto the floor. I had closed my eyes but suddenly opened them, Dean flying back and hitting the wall hard enough to crack it. "I warned you." I sang out.

Dean was on teh floor gasping in pain. "Bitch." I groaned. I strode forward and grabbed his chin. I forced him to look at me.

"I really don't care what you think of me anymore. Why? Because you tossed me out without hearing my side of the story. I'm surprised I haven't lost all control and killed you. I really do want to." I let go and stepped back. I took one more look at the two men before opening the front door, exiting the building I slammed the door shut. I needed to release all the rage seeing them brought.

_Dean got to his feet and went to open the door but Sam stepped in front of his brother. "Don't." He said softly. "She does have a point." Dean narrowed his eyes at his little brother but stood down, sighing. _

I stood in the center of a small clearing, my chest heaving. My eyes were all black as the rage poured out. I lashed out and left claw marks in every tree I could, I took chunks out of them, I shredded the ground, I let out every bit of rage there was in my person. Tree branches cracked and fell to the ground, a few of the smaller trees fell as if chopped by an axe. As I surveyed the damage done I fell to my knees. I watch as the scrapes and bloody gashes healed. I then let the tears flow.

I had never wanted to be born a half demon, never wanted to admit to that part of my life. I never wanted my powers to grow, to become a part of me. There was I point I almost drove myself mad, I refused to use teh power, to acknowledge the demon inside me, it drove me crazy. The only reason I am sane and standing before you is because of Meg. She watched what the Winchesters did to me and took me under her wing. She challenged me, taught me to use and control my demonic lineage.

My eyes stayed blue as I stood. I watched the sky for a few minutes, thinking about how to proceed when I face the brothers. I flicked my wrist and all the dirt and grime was removed from my person. I wearily sighed and turned to face the house. I trudge up to the door and open it, peeking in. Sam and Dean were seated at the Dining table. I stepped inside and cleared my throat.

"I'm sorry about a little while ago." I said scratching the back of my neck. "You guys kinda caught me off guard." Dean scoffed and leaned back in his chair. My eyes narrowed and I scowled.

"We understand." Sam said quickly, not wanting another fight. I let out a breath and my eyes caught his.

"My answer is still no."

"Why?" Sam asked, honestly curious.

"Well the asshole known as your brother for one. Second, I have strong ties to Lucifer and it would be hard not to follow him. Not to mention, I place one toe out of line with Dean and I dead." I said, listing the points on my hands. I saw Dean nod at the last one and I sent the chair flying out from under him. He grunted as he landed on the floor.

Sam sighed but nodded, it wasn't his choice as to whether I came or not, it was my own. I walked up to him and placed a hand on his cheek. "I do thank you for believing me, but you understand the risks."

As Dean got to his feet he glared at me. "Why don't you hate him?" He asked bitterly. My eyes flashed black as I regarded him.

"Maybe because he wanted to hear my side of the story, maybe because he didn't judge right away, or how about the fact that he wanted me to stay with you guys." I pointed out, poking my finger in Dean's direction.


	4. I GOT IT!

I huffed as Dean threw my luggage in the trunk of his Impala. I slid into the back seat and smiled, the car was exactly as I remembered, the slight scent of bacon cheeseburger and apple pie filling the air. I looked at Sam. "Does he still play-"

"That will never change Ani." Sam said grinning. I groaned and slammed my head against the back seat.

"This is gonna be the longest ride in history." I whined. I shut my mouth as Dean go in the drivers seat. "So what exactly did you guys need my help with?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"We need you to bait Crowley so we can get the colt." Sam said. My eyes widened and I let out a cry.

"Oh Hell No! Stop the car and let me out!" I cried, trying to plead with the brothers. Dean glared at my through the mirror and Sam gave me a curious look. "He's had too many bad run ins with Meg."

"What's Med got to do with it?" Dean asked enraged. I rolled my eyes stuck my tongue out at him.

"I'm related to Meg, there fore Crowley probably won't fall for the bait." I said. I scratched the back of my neck. "It doesn't help that Crowley wants to be King of Hell and Meg is backing Lucifer."

"Who do you back?" Dean asked, butting in on the conersation.

"None. I hate both of the candidates. Maybe I should nominate myself..." I trailed off sinking into my thoughts. Me being Queen on hell, HA! Fat chance. The scowl that was currently directed at me told me what they thought of the idea. "Just a thought."

"Is there any chance you could bait Crowley?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, just short of offering myself up for torture, no." I scoffed and then balked. "Don't you dare get any ideas Dean." I knew just what Dean was thinking, it was a chance to bait Crowley and get rid of me. By the look Sam gave Dean, he knew what his brother was thinking as well. "Let me have some time to get my creativity flowing, okay?" I asked Sam more than Dean. Sam nodded.

I got out my Ipod and plugged myself in. I thought and thought and then thought some more. No ideas were coming forth. I sighed.

"I tried to kill the pain, but only brought more, I lay dying,

and I'm pouring crimson regret, and betrayal. I'm dying, Praying,

bleeding, am I too lost to be saved, am I too lost?

My God, My tourniquet, return to me salvation,

My God, My tourniquet, return to me salvation."

My mind wandered yet again, weaving through memories, through little details of my life. Sure I had a few regrets, but doesn't everyone? I'm not even done living yet, I may have a few years left. Traveling with the brother, probably less then that.

My mind brought forth all the connections I would be leaving, breaking by returning to fight the good fight with the Winchesters. I thought of Meg, my deceased father, my demonic heritage. I wondered if the brother's plan would work. Wondered if I'd live to be a part of it. I mean, just by agreeing to ride in teh car with them, I would become most wanted again. I know demons would go after me, but I wondered about the angels.

I sighed as my mind became turmoiled with visions of my own death. Some were actually kid of funny, I mean, being drained of blood, chopped up into tiny bits, just to fed to a shark? Hilarious! Wow, I have a twisted humor. Others scared the crap out of me because I knew that they could happen. i had been to hell once to learn how to control my powers, I don't want to go back down there. I turned and looked out the window, my eyes following the tops of trees as we flew by them.

"Have you come up with an idea?" I jolted out of my thoughts and then promptly glared at the back of Dean's head.

"No you dolt! Have I gone "I GOT IT!" like I used too? no, so shut up and stop asking." I snapped, I saw the edges of Sam's lips start to turn up in a smirk. I thought about it somemore before I got an idea. I leaned forawrd silently and placed my lips right next to Dean's ear. "I GOT IT!" I screamed.

The car promptly swerved, the product of Dean jumping a foot out of his seat, he also hit his head on teh roof of the car.

"Son of a bitch!" He shouted, glaring at me.

"you deserved it asshat." I said defending myself. "but I really do have an idea."

"What is it?" Sam asked almost eagerly.

"Do you guys have any friends that aren't dead, ones that Crowley wouldn't know of?" I asked.


End file.
